Remember living deep in your thoughts in between those four pink .. or maybe blue .. or green, walls? Or if your minimalistic lifestyle started early on maybe they were an off-grey. Or maybe you still are living in between those walls .. But remember being just a child, spending nights after nights contemplating about where you want to place yourself in the future. Then another sporadic thought comes to mind like, why am I 10 years old wondering about where I want to be in life already? Well fast forward a whole decade later and here I am. Sitting at some version of a cubicle, working for A&R as an intern at Roc Nation .. Wondering if this is exactly what my 10 year old-self wanted to be placed and if I’m actually “living my dreams.” Why do we choose to settle with where the arrow lands on when we throw it at the dartboard? If it’s not a bullseye, why do we still seek the opportunity? Yeah I know, you’ve probably been told all your life to cease all your opportunities that come your way, but I think the more we progress with time in life, the more we see that we don’t have much time to waste. So am I wrong for wanting to keep aiming for the bullseye and not looking towards any other crevice in my peripheral vision? I want, what I want.
I turn 21 in two days and I can’t stop listening to “20 Something” by SZA on her new album CTRL. I can’t help but feel like I’ve been wasting my time. I always find myself being uncomfortably comfortable with where I’m currently placed in the universe and it’s probably one of the most crucifying feelings ever .. Being 20 does not help this situation. Yes you want to be comfortable essentially in terms of living and emotional space, but as far as the pursuit of happiness, the pursuit of your dreams and victoriously achieving everything you said you wanted to while you were sitting in the middle of the crevices of those four pink walls, what is truly comfort? Synonymous for conforming?
Self-encountered lessons & epiphanies seem to be the root of all my blog posts.. Thanks for reading!